Crap you should read Friday (5/13)

Illegal Farting?

I know, lead story? Sorry, but this is a topic near and dear to my heart. An Ohio seventh grader has been suspended from school for farting on the school bus. As a proud gas-passer, I have to ask…are you friggen’ kidding me? If farting is a crime, I’m headed for a Super-Max prison.

The school board decided the 13 year old’s bus-fart violated the school’s conduct code as “an obscene gesture.” Is this what we’ve come to now? I don’t care if he was doing it for yucks, or if he just ate too much Taco Bell, the only way he should have been suspended was if he “sharted” on little Suzy Winklevoss.

Boy suspended from bus after farting — AOL

My shorts look so much better on her

Bin Laden Mini-Cams?

The entire Bin Laden raid was taped by tiny helmet cameras worn by all of the 25 SEALs involved in taking out the bearded scumbag. Those in-the-know have reconstructed the raid for all of us that won’t see the videos until the eventual Wiki-leak. The only shots fired at SEALs came from inside the Guesthouse by one of Osama’s couriers. Bin Laden came out on his balcony to see what was going on, but was shot at and ran inside. Seals then stormed the residence; the first one through Bin Laden’s door grabbed Bin Laden’s daughters and pulled them aside. A second SEAL stormed inside and was met by Osama’s wife, so he shoved her aside and shot Bin Laden in the chest before he could do anything drastic.  A third SEAL then shot him through the head.

Good thing too, because thumb drives and journals seized from the raid show that Osama was far more than a figurehead to Al Qaeda. He was integral in planning, and was still the clear #1 in the organization. His journal preached that larger attacks would be fatal to the US and urged members to broaden their plans outside of New York City. He also urged attacks on big anniversaries like 4th of July and September 11th. Fortunately the Intel gave us his Terrorist LinkedIn account, so now we have names of numerous, previously unknown terrorists.

I need to see the pictures. Not the ones of him dead, but the ones pulled from his cell-phone. Did he take self-pics from a certain angle to make himself look skinnier for his post on HamasSpace? Were there any Favre-esque pics with his dong next to a watch/bomb trigger? These are questions that need answering.

Bin Laden raid caught on SEAL helmet cams — CBS News

"Why did you do this? Secretary's Day is NOT a real holiday."

Scopes Environmental Trial?

In Los Alamitos, California, high-school science teachers can now teach AP-level classes on Global Warming, but they must be politically correct and include opposing views to global warming. So in a class where they teach you climate change, they must also teach you no-climate change. Does this make sense? Sure its good to point out the opposition argument, but do you need to treat it equally? Conservative members of the board say that Liberals are taking over education. Shouldn’t all education be liberal?

When you teach a class on science, should you be mandated to teach magic? When you teach English, should you also have to teach Ebonics as part of the course? When teaching woodshop, do you have to spend a class on how its actually good to cut off your finger?

There is no denying climate change, whether or not we humans drastically affect the climate is another story. The only staunch opponents to climate change theories are Big Business who don’t want to lose money by complying with regulations to “save the environment”, and people who don’t want to change their wasteful lifestyles. Should school boards actually be mandating that their teachers teach opposition platforms with just as much gusto as the climate-change theories they support? This is a science class, you can’t just force them to teach how their science is wrong.

Global Warming version of Scopes Monkey Trial – Los Alamitos Seal Beach Patch

Gorezilla will not be happy with Los Alamitos

What the Frack is Fracking?

My Horn-y readers have heard me preach about the evils of fracking. Here’s an entertaining video to explain what the Frack is going and how Fracked we all are.


Baseball Banning Alcohol?

Some are questioning whether or not Major League Baseball should institute stricter policies to curb serious alcohol abuse. It seems that there are way too many DUI’s, as well as other alcohol related crimes and embarrassments in the Majors, so the League and the Players union are discussing ways to allow teams to strongly discipline alcohol related incidents. Many teams have already banned alcohol from clubhouses or team planes, but many say the extra step is required to really hammer the point home to players. It’s time they realized that they aren’t above the rules and can’t get away with this behavior…I mean, what do they think this is, rape?

Should baseball institute alcohol abuse penalties — Sports Illustrated

Would these two have hooked up if it was only Vitamin Water?

New addition to Dexter?

For those of you who don’t watch Dexter, why do you hate yourself? For those of you that do, you should know that Dexter added another face to its season 6 roster: actor and hip-hop artist, Mos Def. Hollywood Reporter says that Mos will be a part of a multi-episode story-arc, and “will play a hardened ex-con who claims to have found religion yet seems to continually find himself surrounded by violence.” Was Chris Brown not available?

Season 6 will continue the trend of the season long villain, with Colin Hanks in the role of Dexter’s nemesis. The series continues to get stronger every year, with last year earning its highest ratings to date. I hear this year they’ll put Deb in a bikini a couple more times to remind us she’s actually a chick and not Jeff Goldblum’s stunt double.

Mos Def joins Dexter — Hollywood Reporter

Dexter looks for news that Talib Kweli has signed on too


  1. That climate change article is weak, but some of the comments are on point. Anyone that wakes up before the sunrise and notices it getting hotter as the sun rises experiences climate change. In the north, they call it winter.
    I do not think that there are conservatives who “do not believe in climate change” as the article suggests.
    If loopy lazy teachers are going to teach Anthropromophic Climate Change by using a politician’s movie, like An Inconvenient Truth, then they should also show a movie with scientists that demonstrate the immaterial influence of man on climate, such as The Great Global Warming Swindle.

    • Here’s my thing. The climate is changing. But is it the natural cycle of things, or is it something we caused? We are destroying the planet, and that does effect the ecosystem, but is it to the cataclysmic levels that the Environmental Scare Lobby insists? Probably not. The Envirornmental lobby is a business just like any other, it needs to make money. It only gets donations if people are scared.

      Either way, we effect the world around us, so its great to teach kids ways to be better and more aware of how their actions play into the bigger picture.