Crap you should read Thursday (5/12)

Bin Laden’s Son Suing US:

Omar Bin Laden has the balls to claim he’ll sue the US for the kidnapping and murder of his father in violation of his Human Rights. He says Daddy should have been taken alive and tried. Omar, you know who your Pops was. Why would be entitled to the same Rights he denied the world? The man wasn’t innocently in line at Best Buy, he was a General in an alleged Holy War he started against our country. We have the death penalty, and this guy admitted to multiple mass murders.

We could have taken him prisoner. He “moved”, so we shot him. Twice. Osama bin Laden deserves the special place we reserved for him in the deepest depths of the Arabian Sea. Get over it Omar. Oh wait, now you want proof he’s dead too? Why don’t you just call Daddy and see if he answers. Then put your hair back in a ponytail and try out for the sequel to LOST.

Bin Laden’s son might sue US over Osama kidnapping/murder — Dailymail

Is there any chance Bin Laden actually liked his son?

Romney hates himself

Mitt Romney wrote an Op-ed this week blasting Obama’s Universal Health Care. Of course he says it needs to be immediately repealed. Dude, you are the champion of Universal Health Care. You made it possible as Governor of Massachusetts, now you want to flip-flop because a democratic president is pushing it? Romney asserts that the power to decide Health Insurance should go to the states, not the Federal government. Oh, and in case your wondering, Romney’s plan would cost less, and create jobs, while Obama’s plan would send us to the deepest trenches of hell and actually fire people from their jobs, and burn their homes.

Its revolting that Romney is majorly flip-flopping on the one issue he’s best known for. Oh that Mitt Romney; he has his finger on the pulse of his party, but has no pulse of his own. I used to think this guy could make a decent president, but then he proved himself to be a complete puppet for his base with no spine at all. Dude, didn’t you learn anything from Obama? Pretend to have a backbone and run a good campaign promising Hope, then win the White House before you prove to America that you had no idea what you were talking about.

Mitt Romney on Fixing Health Care — USA Today

"And 3rd, ummm....3rd....(crap)....San Dimas High School Football RULES!"

Obama soars, kinda

President Obama’s approval ratings soared to 60% in recent approval polls. This is in sharp contrast to the 27% approval ratings just a few weeks ago. Its amazing, he orders a hit on a thug, and suddenly people forget about the horrible economy? “Hey, we killed a dang terrorist, who cares that I haven’t worked in months?”

There is one group who might not be to pleased with their brother-from-another-mother in the Oval Office. The Employment rate for young black men is at a record low. This is the first time since the statistics have been kept that the percentage dropped below 60%. Only 56% of black men over 20 are employed, compared to 68% of white men.

Many Republicans are now faced with an interesting conundrum: who knew that electing a black man to the presidency was the best way for Whitey to keep the black man down?

Obama’s numbers soar in latest poll — Yahoo Employment rate for black men at record low — Yahoo

Obama learns to cope as sometimes his ears pick up sounds as far away as Alpha Centauri

Google Car

Google has made 7 self-driving cars (6 Toyota Prius and 1 Audi TT) and is now petitioning Nevada to let their cars take to the road. Google ran tests in California on 140,000 miles of road, and at least 1,000 miles were driven fully autonomously. They say the self-driving cars are much safer than human drivers, and more fuel efficient. One of the bills supported by Google removes restrictions on texting while “driving” because you don’t need your hands to steer.

It remains to be seen whether the cars will come with driving personalities like: Crazy Asian, Blind Lady, Aventura Jew, or Lost Canadian.

Google makes Self-Driving cars — Mashable

The Google Street View team takes it to the next level

2.5 Men, metric

Hugh Grant was reportedly offered $1million an episode to do Two and a Half Men, but he turned it down. Producers say that if he accepted, the show would have probably run another 3 to 4 years. Grant declined the job because he couldn’t wrap his British teeth around doing a 27 episode TV show.

I don’t think I could have handled 27 weeks of his shocked-stammering. Then again, I never watched Charlie Sheen, and his whores were a lot hotter than Divine Brown.

Hugh Grant almost replaced Charlie Sheen on Two and a Half Men — Deadline

Coincidentally, "2 and a half men" was Grant's nickname in Jail

On Common Ground

So the Obamas invited the “social conscious rapper” Common to read poetry at the White House. Of course this means Common is now a cop-killing, misogynistic  devil, at least according to Sean Hannity, Karl Rove and other disgusting Repugnicans. What did he do so wrong to invoke all this ire? The 2-time Grammy winner was invited to the White House, that’s all. Some of the shit they spewed is so blatantly hypocritical, and filled with manipulative lies, that you can’t even believe they’re saying it with a straight face.

I was going to write a whole piece on it, but the Master, Jon Stewart, said all that needs to be said. Watch both videos below.