Sorry Dolphins, you suck…at Drafting

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"Why am I smiling? 2 AFC championships in a row. And because I can see your feet."

by Jon Kaplan

Dear Dolphin fans-

You should know that I am a Jets fan. A big one. This made it especially entertaining to go to college in enemy territory at the University of Florida, where I developed great friendships with (too) many Dolphin fans. One thing I learned for sure while at school: Dolphin fans are great people who truly know nothing about football.

For years I was forced to listen to guys like The Ryno talk about how Jay Fiedler could be the next Dan Marino, or that Rob Konrad would soon be a ‘factor-back” in the NFL.  Of course, lets not forget the infamous Yatil Green. You remember him right? He was “the guy” that Dolphin fans were sure would be the next Michael Irvin out of the U (insert obnoxious hand gesture that Canes fans make).

Now that’s out of the way, so let me mention that the purpose of this letter is to point out to all how great the gap of talent is between the Jets and Dolphins…and its only getting worse. The main reason for this disparity is the NFL draft. The Dolphins are one of the worst drafting teams in the NFL. They even brought in draft Guru, Bill Parcells, who couldn’t do anything to stop the Dolphin draft bleeding. Unfortunately for them, the Jets have recently excelled in this area.

D-R-A-F-T...draft-draft-DRAFT!

Let’s take a look:

For the past 5 years the NY Jets have added difference-makers via the draft. The names include Darelle Revis, David Harris, D’Brickashaw Ferguson, Nick Mangold, Dustin Keller, Shonn Greene and Mark Sanchez (aka the Sanchize). That list includes 4 Pro-bowlers, a soon-to-be franchise quarterback, and doesn’t even mention draft picks that were traded for players such as Antonio Cromartie, Braylon Edwards, and Santonio Holmes.

Lets not forget the best Jets defender over the last few years, Coach Sal Alosi

How do the Dolphins’ picks compare over that same time period?I’ll start with the positive. Let me look, I’m sure I’ll find something….there it is. Ronnie Brown and Jake Long. Glad we got that out of the way.

Ronnie Brown is mentioned only because I know my Dol-friends would complain. They love this guy, but based on where he was drafted, most expected a lot more. There is no way I put Jason Allen, Vontae Davis or Tedd Ginn Jr (their other 1st round picks over that time) into that successful bucket.

2nd Round? You Fins hate the 2nd round. Forget the fact that you keep trading away pics from this valuable round for crappy QBs, but when you do have a 2nd pick, you waste it on Pat White? And don’t even get me started on 2nd round ace, Chad Henne. For the last 2 years I’ve had to stifle laughs as my Dol-friends rant about how Henne is just as good as Mark Sanchez. Maybe at water polo but not at football. There is a reason why my 2011 mock draft has the Dolphins taking Andy Dalton, QB from TCU.

"It might be early, but I think we can call the 2011 draft a success. I haven't called anybody's mom a prostitute this year."

The Scam Cameron draft pick of Tedd Ginn and his Family, was especially heartbreaking for the Fins considering Darelle Revis, Patrick Willis and Dwayne Bowe were all taken after him in that draft.

That’s the first round. When was the last time the Dolphins hit on a late round pick either? Davone Bess? That’s 35 picks given to the Dolphins over the last 5 years with only 3 decent players.

Is it any wonder why you guys are on your 3rd head coach in five years.

In conclusion, if the Dolphins want to stop this downward spiral, it all starts this weekend during the 2011 NFL draft. The draft is where championship teams are built and to date, and the Dolphins have collected more busts then a federal prison.

Dol-fans are going to be crossing their fins, praying they don’t hear: “With the 15th selection in 2011 NFL Draft the Miami Dolphins select Shaky Smithson, Punt Returner-Middle Utah Community College”.

Sorry guys, history says you’re getting Shaky Smithson…and his Family.

Love-

An Obnoxious Jets Fan

"I hate this friggin' T-Pain song"

3 Comments

  1. You neglected to mention Vernon Gholston, the biggest bust in the last 5 years for either team. Picked 6th, he was let go after 3 years. He unseated Mike Mamula for “Workout Wonder Champ”.

  2. I am a dolphins fan. I just had to swipe this picture to use as my profile thumbnail on facebook. Somehow, I didn’t think you would mind….LOL

    • Don’t mind at all Ryan. Have to share our misery somehow!