Crap you should read Wednesday (4/20)

What a Gig:

Executive Pay has skyrocketed according to figures released by the AFL-CIO on the top 299 CEO’s on the S&P 500. The average CEO salary was $11.4 million, up 23% from last year, or 342 times larger than their average employee. Keep in mind folks, these are the same guys who claim that “regulations” to keep you safe from their products cost them so much money that they cant hire new people. Their salaries increased 23% during one of the toughest times in recent memory. The money paid to the top 299 CEOs would support over 100,000 median-wage workers.

You can actually go to the AFL-CIO CEO PayWatch site and see the payouts for each CEO yourself.

Now remember these figures come from Labor Union statistics, so they have to be somewhat slanted. Even still, these are numbers that the corporations have reported themselves, so that’s why we haven’t heard much outcry from CEO’s denying any of the figures. After all, they earned it! They sent their jobs oversees where they can pay a nickel for a dollars worth of work. Or they got you to invest heavily and then they bet the market against your eventual collapse. Or they…crap you get the point. They donkey punched us and their Board of Directors and share holders love them for it.

CEO Pay Increases significantly more than Labor — Bloomberg

"Sir, it seems I found another couple million in a drawer over there"

Corporate America Outsourcing

With our next piece of obvious news, American multinational corporations are hiring more workers overseas and layoff folks back home. Overall, 2.9 million American workers were laid off last year from multinational corporations, while 2.9 million were hired abroad. US employment dipped by 5.3% while worldwide the figure dipped only 1.5%.

Nearly 1/5 of all American jobs last year were for multinational corps. While not all jobs created overseas were at the expense of jobs stateside, the numbers are still staggering. Some point out that markets have been in the US for some time are just emerging overseas, and that accounts for the discrepancy. While I accept that wholeheartedly, I cannot imagine that every single one of the 2.9 million hired abroad was for an expanding market. That means that some of those jobs could have went to Americans, but the Corporate shareholders don’t want to cut checks for higher-paid, skilled workers.

At least we get cheaper HDTVs out of this crappy deal.

Multinational Corporations Hiring Abroad and Firing at Home — Huffpost

"Um, yeah. So...Milton, we are going to have to move your desk to Bombay."

Trump Card

Is anyone really buying this Trump candidacy? Someone must be literally “buying” it because thats the only reason D-Trump would be selling it. All this guy does is “sell”. He’s played this same game a few times over the last 20 years and even admitted in interviews that he uses the “free” air time while “running” to sell himself and sell his product(s). This year he has his show (Apprentice reportedly brings him in $3million an episode) to sell as well as the Trump brand itself. That’s why all you hear him talk about is the birther nonsense. He has no other leg to stand on other than the 20 years of crap we’ve already heard him spew.

Now Trump is in a spitting match over claims that he single handedly saved the Daily News from going under. Mort Zuckerman, owner of the NY paper say Trump in no way, whatsoever, saved his paper. Why does he feel he’s being disrespected? What was his big saving move? Trump allegedly recommended an attorney to handle a suit against the Drivers Union that would have cost the newspaper a fortune. And they won’t give you credit and put your bust in the main office? Dude, D-Trump you are getting screwed.

Did Trump save Daily News, or yet just another Trump Exaggeration?

The Trump Hat corporation would probably be a great idea

Al-Qaeda Cosmopolitan

Al-Qaeda is taking a new approach these days. Consider it Chic Terrorism. Once again coming late to the societal evolution game, Islamic extremists have realized that if you want to sell your product, target the ladies. Women seem to be the latest marketing demographic of the  Al-Qaeda with “Jihadi Cool” publications (I shit you not, this is a quote) that share tips on beauty, style, bomb-making and tips on how to push your man towards martyrdom. Others, like Inspire, are in English, and target the chic terrorist community (with American and European citizenship) with articles on cleaning AK rifles and building the best “killer car”.

I hear one should definitely read the articles entitled “10 sexy things to cover your face with” and “5 ways to wear your suicide vest this Dry Season.

“Cool” Al Qaeda marketing attracting the chic terrorist — USA TODAY

"Im looking for something about The Great Satan. Oh cool there's an article here, something over here, another one here...."

Mass Wind Farm

In today’s Earth Day news, Massachusetts will open the first offshore wind farm in the US as the Feds finally approved a 130 windmill farm to be stationed in Nantucket Sound. Supporters are excited about the “cleaner” energy possibilities as the farm can power 200,000 homes with normal winds. They also point to the 600-1000 jobs created by the construction, as well as thousands of jobs that will result from a Wind farm industry. Opponents don’t feel that the energy benefits from the Quixotic venture  will outweigh the unsightliness of the structures and their possible ecological impact on the sound, and someone is bound to call this “job-killing”, since it will be taking away dollars from other utility industries pockets.

The farm is part of Massachusetts legislation that requires the state to be have at least 20% of their energy created by renewable sources over the next 15 years. Once again the country should look to Mass as a shining example of productive, progressive, outside of the box thinking, but instead someone will find a way to say they’re evil for bucking the national trend.  These Mass-holes have the right idea. Just someone tell them to have their QB cut his hair.

Mass votes to open first US offshore wind farm — USA Today

Ted Williams Windmill Pahk

Virgin Shmuck-lantic

Richard Branson, proving that rich people think they can do whatever they want, is going to “save” Lemurs by introducing a colony on HIS very own Caribbean island. Branson is so touched by the plight of the animal that he wants them to flourish on the island he purchased for himself and his ego. Of course Branson is ignoring thousands of years of natural selection, and forgetting that introducing a foreign creature can, and will, disrupt the entire ecosystem. Lemurs eat everything, from bugs, to animals, to plants, and would ravish the new island. They would also bring (and be susceptible to) new diseases on the island. In 1859, some douche thought Australia needed some rabbits. Today, rabbits are well-known as the most destructive thing in Australia, so long as Russell Crowe is filming in the States.

Mother Nature decided the Caribbean didn’t need lemurs. Well, Mother Nature also didn’t think we needed a Virgin mega-corporation, and Branson turned that into a success. What could go wrong?

Richard Branson: Saving Lemurs or Destroying his Caribbean Island — CNN

Larry the Lemur Pimp is stoked about all the "tail" in the Caribbean

Your WTF? of the day:

A 6 year old kid brought a handgun to school and it accidentally discharged when it fell out his backpack in the lunchroom, wounding 2 other kindegartners and the boy himself. Fortunately none of the wounds are fatal, but some serious Recess time was missed.

This begs the question…how crappy is Jansport making their bags these days that a kid cant safely tote his parents gun to school anymore?

6 year old accidentally discharges gun in elementary school lunchroom — CNN

Every school has their Scott Scanlon





  1. I’ll bet that kindergartner couldn’t do that again if he tried!

  2. Seriously. The bigger question is how, if this kid can drop a gun and wound THREE people, does this happen?

    (FF to the last 30-45 seconds or so and thanks to Ron White for this one)