Idol Screwed in Public? (UPDATED)

Pia doesn't suck

Some might say that recent American Idol Castoff, Pia Toscano, was screwed when Idolaters unjustifiably kicked her out on her rear, but little did she know she would fall ass backwards into a pile of money.

Contrary to the final votes, Pia was widely recognized as the top female talent on this years talent show. This girl has the pipes to belt out ballads that make Whitney look up from her crack pipe long enough to mutter “I hate Maria”, and make Steve Tyler move in his pants for the first time since he began painting them on.  But Interscope Records execs ignored the fact that America didn’t care enough about Pia to actually vote for her, and instead decided to sign her to the quickest contract for an early send-off since Will Hung. Will the gamble pay off? Likely so, after all, Idolater voters have absolutely no idea what they are talking about—they’re the same tweeny girls who thing R-Patt is great in Twilight and Miley has enough material to write an autobiography– and only vote for the scratchy voiced-marginally talented twenty-something carbon-copy from the previous year(s).

She will never know what its like to join the ranks of other insta-successful Idol winners like Ruben Studdard, Taylor Hicks, Jordan Sparks, and Kris Allen, but can this more traditional path bring her everything she could have hoped for? Like a confetti shower or a duet with Peabo Bryson or the few remaining BeeGees?

Regardless, its nice to see she is now actually one professional accomplishment rung above Rebecca Black, and will have an outlet other than youtube and jizzonline.com to remain in our hearts.

UPDATE:

10:45pm Not so fast! Interscope Execs are not confirming that Toscano has inked a deal. While we might still see her in the booth very soon to capitalize on her current 15 minutes, it is by no way a done deal.

Brilliant job by her manager though for leaking this story. No better way to show how popular Pia was than by having the world applaud the alleged signing. Of course it could have backfired and turned into a real Sheen Show.

2 Comments

  1. So pumped about this blog!

  2. So pumped about Pia being featured on jizzonline!